


You're Still You

by SkyWrites



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Awkwardness, Body Image, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, First Time, Genderbending, Humor, Mutual Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 20:50:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13349277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWrites/pseuds/SkyWrites
Summary: After discovering a magical fountain that changes one's gender, Lloyd struggles with both his newfound body and the awkwardness that follows him around, even among friends. Still, there's one person he can count on to make him feel accepted.





	You're Still You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Darkhymns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/gifts).



“Finally!” Raine exclaimed, her voice oozing with an excitement that made the group uncomfortable. “We found it! The Fountain of Reversal!”

Crumbling pillars surrounded the adventurers looming like long dead giants, moss and cracks growing into their old wounds. The stone ceiling above appeared ready to fall any second, old vines and new hanging like stalactites. Even the air itself felt old and dead. Inhaling seemed to be a disruption, as if the ghosts long dead possessed their bodies.

Raine, of course, found it fascinating. Her slim body, usually so still and stoic, now hopped with glee and a rare energy, reminding everyone how young she actually was. “I didn’t think the legends were true! But this must be it!”

The maniac cooed over the large pool before her, whispering sweet nothings to it. The fountain itself extended far against the walls, its dark waters bubbling and turning with a strange unknown force. It was the only thing in these ruins that appeared new, somehow.

Lloyd’s curiosity got the better of him, like it always did. He stepped near the edge, eyeing the water with suspicion, like it might jump out and attack at any moment. “So, what is this, Professor? Does this, like, reverse aging or something?”

Where Lloyd went, Colette soon followed. Her eyes sparkled like the waters as she stood near the suspendered adventurer. “What if it makes us older?” She asked Lloyd, instead of the knowledgeable professor.

A sugar-like rush jolted through Lloyd. “Oh man, imagine!” He pulled out his sword and used it like a cane, body hunched over. “Colette!” He rasped in his best old-man impression. It wasn’t good. “Stay off my lawn! You whippersnappers need to learn a thing or two!”

The Chosen girl frowned for a second. “If you’re going to be old, I want to be old too!” She giggled and then mimicked Lloyd’s raspy voice. “Oof, these old bones aren’t what they used to be…”

Raine’s voice cut through them like a rusty knife. “Children, _please_.” Even in her ecstatic state with these ruins, she still had time to scold them.

“Hey!” Lloyd whined, forgetting his impression already. “We’re not kids anymore!”

“Yes, then maybe you shouldn’t act like it,” Raine retorted with ease.

Lloyd sighed and crossed his arms in a childish pout. Colette continued giggling lightly to herself, curing Lloyd’s troubles quickly.

“Sounds worthless to me,” Zelos yawned, barely even sparing the pool a passing glance. “I’m already in my prime years, no need for me, baby!”

Sheena audibly scowled. “I can’t wait till you’re older and lose your hair.”

“Aw, Sheena, why must you be so cruel?!” Zelos cried, stroking his luscious locks, afraid they might vanish at any time.

Regal grunted. It appeared he would be the only adult in the situation, now with Raine in ruins mode. “Enough wild speculation. Professor Sage, please enlighten us on the purpose of this fountain.”

While it didn’t snap her out of her excitement, Raine was all too happy to explain. “The Fountain of Reversal!” She breathed, her chest rising and falling way too rapidly. “So little is known about it! It’s said that the gods themselves created this pool to change their forms on a whim! It was a holy place, not meant for us mere mortals. Whatever civilization that might have lived here protected it and hid it away from the world, possibly to make sure it didn’t fall into the wrong hands!”

Regal drank in the information with a nod. “Interesting. But do you know what properties it has? What it does?”

Raine’s eyes dulled for a brief moment, disappointed in herself. “I don’t know. Some say it’s a fountain of youth. Some say it’s aging. Some say it doesn’t do anything at all.” Her eyes blew up again like fireworks. “But doesn’t that make it all the more interesting!?”

Her excitement was infectious. “Oh man, that sounds so cool! I gotta find out what this does!” Lloyd said, scooting closer to the swirling dark waters. How deep was it? He couldn’t even see.

“Lloyd,” Genis sighed. “You didn’t even know this thing existed until a few minutes ago.”

“So!?” Lloyd countered back.

There would be no arguing or logic with this one. “You’re so predictable,” Genis said, defeated.

Zelos grinned like an imp. “I vote we toss Sheena in and find out what it does!”

That, of course, got the intended reaction. The ninja’s face grew red with rage, her fists clenched hard. “I vote we toss you in and keep you under for a good half-hour!”

“Aw, man, Sheena, does it always have to jump to murder so quick with you!?”

Regal shook his head, trying to take hold of the situation. “We should be careful. We have no idea what the water contains. It could be poisonous.”

Unfortunately, without Raine to back him up, his words fell on deaf ears. Except for him and Presea, the adventurers huddled around the edge, ogling the dark waters inside.

“Yes, yes,” Raine swatted away his caution like a pesky bug, scuttling around the pool to view it at every angle.

Colette’s lips formed a concerned frown. Regal was probably right. Lloyd was standing awfully close to the edge. One slip and he could fall in. “Lloyd, maybe Regal’s right, we should---Ah!”

Raine’s furious scuttling came close to Colette, her body ever so slightly pushing the angel forward. Anyone else, even a frail child, would probably resist such a light tap, but with Colette, anything was possible. _Oh no, I’m too close to Raine!_ Her brain thought instinctively, not wanting to cause any discomfort. Of course, her body and brain fought with each other all at once. _Wait, but I need to be careful!_

Unable to follow the instructions of her own body, Colette tumbled forward towards Lloyd. Her body falling at full speed, and the swordsman not prepared for such a strike, Lloyd found himself also tumbling forward.

_Splash!_

“Oh, no, Lloyd!”

“Lloyd!!”

“Aw, geez, bud!”

Colette landed on the rocks with an ungraceful _thud_ , bruising her delicate hands. Lloyd, however, was not so lucky. The boy sunk into the waters like a rock, swords and all, his body completely swallowed up by the dark waters except for a small ripple where he had fallen.

“I’m going in after him!” Sheena cried, about to jump in.

Zelos held her squirming body forcefully. “No way, there’s no point in losing two people to that thing!”

Colette’s mind swirled like a hurricane as she stared into the black waters. “No, Lloyd! Lloyd! What did I do!?” She shook her head, fighting away the guilt. Now wasn’t the time. In a flash of light, her wings appeared at her back, and Colette readied herself to dive in as well.

“Colette, wait!” Genis and Raine tried to both hold her back, but the Chosen’s angelic strength far outweighed their own.

Just as she neared the pool, gently shoving her friends away, the waters where Lloyd fell started to bubble. The entire group froze in place, staring at the waters, unbreathing. It felt like an eternity, the fate of their friend was a dark unknown.

“Gah!” Lloyd coughed, his head popping up above the water, sputtering the dark liquid from his lips. Colette left nothing to chance. She quickly grabbed his sopping wet arm, and pulled Lloyd’s body out of the pool.

“Lloyd!” Colette cried out again as he laid limply on the stone floor. She hugged him tight, feeling his heavy wet clothes stick to his body, his chest misshapen by all the water. “Lloyd, I’m so sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” If she had lost him to her own clumsy mistake… she didn’t want to think about it.

After his coughing fit subsided, Lloyd wrapped his gentle arms around her. “It’s okay, Colette,” he whispered, his voice sounding slightly higher, probably due to his near-death experience. “I’m fine,” he coughed.

She held him tighter still, never wanting to lose him again. She cared nothing of her own clothes being ruined. She pressed against him harder, finding his body smooth and silky from all the water. The air bubbles near his chest wouldn’t seem to leave!

“Colette, please,” Raine said, her mania-mode vanished. “Let me inspect Lloyd, I need to make sure he’s alright. Something’s strange.”

Colette’s mind selfishly wanted to hold him forever, but Lloyd’s safety was more important. With a nod, she moved away from Lloyd, allowing him free movement again.

“I’m fine, professor,” he said, his voice confident and strong, yet still, ever so slightly different? “I can get up on my own.”

With a bit of a strain, Lloyd sat up, and quickly stood up soon after, his legs wobbling.

The adventurers’ gasped, their eyes wide with what appeared to be terror and confusion. “Uh… what’s wrong?” he asked, feeling a few buttons on his shirt had come off in the accident.

Zelos’ stare was the strangest and most uncomfortable. “Bud!...” He kept wanting to look away, but also kept staring. “You…”

“What, is something stuck to my face?” Lloyd asked, running his hands over his smooth features and wet hair, which seemed to be longer. He noticed he felt a little heavier near his front, but that was most likely the water stuck to his clothes.

Zelos couldn’t keep quiet any longer. “You got bigger tits than Sheena!”

“Zelos, you god damn moron!” Sheena roared, beating him mercilessly.

Lloyd couldn’t comprehend his meaning. “What?”

Genis’ jaw was still on the floor, but he managed to make more sense than the redhead. “Lloyd, you’re… you’re a girl!”

The realization shot through him like a jolt of lightning. “What the hell?!” he mumbled, noting his voice _was_ actually higher pitched. It was nothing like Colette’s, but similar to Sheena’s. “No way!” He looked down at his chest. Or was it she looked down at her chest?

Sure enough, Lloyd found a pair of breasts begging to break free from his suspenders, their round form just barely contained by his red jacket.

Even through his savage beating, Zelos still wailed, “They’re amazing, bud!”

“Shut the hell up, will you!?” Sheena screamed, punching harder than ever before.

Lloyd’s mind was flooded with confusion. He didn’t feel like a girl, but his body did feel softer? He didn’t feel weaker at all, but… “Oh no,” he mumbled to himself, as another jolt of realization struck his body. With one quick movement, he looked down into his pants.

“No. Way.”

There was nothing there. Well, there was something there, but it wasn’t what used to be there.

Colette practically tackled him. Her? Oh, boy, this was going to be confusing. “Lloyd, I’m so sorry!” She cried again, burying her head in his now bulky chest. “Please forgive me!”

Body bloodied, bruised, and probably nearly dead, Zelos still witnessed the two girls hugging. “Does nobody see how hot this is?!”

Sheena noted she’d need to work on his face with her knuckles. “I. Will. Fucking. Kill. You.” She screamed between each punch.

Sure enough, Zelos actually fucking died. No one missed him. Sheena felt no guilt over killing him.

This was really weird and really stupid.

* * *

“This is really weird and really stupid,” Lloyd complained as Raine continued to study over him… uhh, her?

“No, no! This is amazing!” Raine shouted much too loudly, staring at Lloyd’s chest region with zero shame and then back at the fountain. Most of the party had backed out to give the professor and Lloyd some privacy. “To think, the magic in this still works and is still so effective!”

Lloyd honestly wasn’t sure how to feel. He didn’t like that a woman was staring at his body, but at the same time… if he was a girl, it was okay wasn’t it? “It doesn’t work that well!” He protested, his body still sopping wet after attempting 3 more dives in the pool. It would not change him back it seemed.

“Maybe the mana has drained in our world too much,” Raine mused, staring deeply at Lloyd’s barely contained chest. It made him uncomfortable, which is strange, because normally it would never matter. “Maybe there’s a fountain of reverse reversal somewhere?” She paused. “Or maybe there’s nothing else at all.”

“That doesn’t really inspire confidence,” Lloyd whined with a sigh.

She ignored that. “So, it’s all real then?” Without a second thought, she grabbed Lloyd’s breast. The sudden sensation jolted through his body and caused him to shriek.

“Professor!” He slapped her hand away, covering himself. Is this what girls felt around guys like Zelos?

“Sorry, sorry!” She apologized, still stars in her eyes and clearly not sorry. “But they’re very real. Amazing.”

His chest still felt sore from her grab. It was so sensitive and strange.

“And, so, your vagina?” Raine added, looking down at his crotch. “Is that in working order too?”

Lloyd was sweating bullets, but luckily he was still wet from before. “M-my whatia!?”

Raine’s stars left her eyes. Finally, it seemed she returned to normal, and stared at him like he was that normal school boy just a few hours before. “Lloyd…” she sighed. “You do know what a vagina is, right?”

The newly formed girl panicked. He heard Raine talk about it years ago in class, but had fallen asleep. “O-of course I know! It’s um… it’s like a girl’s um…” He didn’t like saying it. It felt wrong, but everything felt wrong. With a whisper he said, “…Penis?”

Raine raised an eyebrow, still totally skeptical. “I suppose you could say that.” Again, she sighed. “Do you want me to have a look and make sure you’re okay?”

Lloyd could barely contain another shriek. “N-no!! No!! NO!” It’s not like he’d ever even feel okay with her looking at his genitals even if he were a boy or a girl!

Still she frowned. She wanted to look, didn’t she? She wanted to know exactly how this magic worked. Or maybe it was something else… Lloyd didn’t understand and was frankly feeling uncomfortable with the whole thing.

“There might be problems, Lloyd,” she said sternly. “I’m not doing this in my ‘maniac’ mode. I’m not doing this to study you, although it would certainly help. But a woman’s body is important to take care of, and it’s very easy for things-”

“I’ll be fine!” Lloyd shouted, not wanting to hear anymore. “It’s fine! It’s all good down there!”

“Are you sure? Do you even know what one looks li-”

“YES!” Lloyd interrupted, exasperated. He did not actually know what a vagina looked like.

It was too difficult to talk about this stuff with the professor. Sure, she might be a woman like… him? But it was strange. Lloyd liked Raine, sure! But there was always this weird feeling. Like, she was his teacher? Sometimes she seemed really judgey, too? He couldn’t understand it. She just always felt so much older and wiser than him, and he didn’t want to look stupid. Although, it’s not like he ever cared before, so why about this?

Finally, the professor gave up and shrugged. “Okay, fine, Lloyd.” She looked into his eyes, a seriousness in her stare that Lloyd had not often seen. “But I know this is going to be a hard time for you, and will take some getting used to. If you need help, you can ask me.” She frowned, hard. “Just… whatever you do, don’t ask Zelos for help.”

Oh god.

* * *

Sheena wrapped a few bandages around her bloodied knuckles with a sigh. Sadly, Zelos did not actually die. He was merely knocked unconscious. Raine had healed him out of his coma and fixed up most of the bruises, although she did not like it. It was probably best not to let a human being die, even if that human being was Zelos.

The party decided to make camp in the dark cave. There was plenty of room, and there didn’t appear to be any monsters nearby. The blue mushrooms illuminated the place with a shiny light, similar to the moon’s. It wasn’t too bad here, she admitted.

But poor Lloyd. She sighed. Maybe she should have jumped in after him. Maybe if she got him out quick enough, this wouldn’t have happened to him. Maybe it could have just changed her instead of him. It’s not like being a woman did her any favors anyway. She had no one special. Lloyd probably has Colette for his special someone.

A light voice creeped up beside her. “Hey Sheena,” it asked. Who!?

Sheena shot up, ready to attack. Lloyd fell back on his butt, eyes wide with shock. “Oh! Oh!” Sheena exclaimed awkwardly. “Lloyd! I’m sorry, I didn’t know… I didn’t mean...” Oh, god, she was being so stupid! She hadn’t gotten used to the new voice!

“Uh…” he looked away, and for once, seemed ashamed of himself. It made her feel incredibly guilty. “Sorry, I guess I should have known better than to sneak up on you, huh?”

“No, no!” Sheena shouted much too loudly, holding out a hand to help Lloyd up. “I, um, I shouldn’t have gotten so surprised! I was, you know, just in my own head, haha!” Why was she laughing? This was not the time to be laughing! Lloyd would think she was laughing at him!

Lloyd took her hand. It was so soft. Still, it kept the roughness of a sword user, but it felt so much softer now than before. Not that she held his hand all the time! But, it was different. Different, but the same.

“It’s all right, Sheena,” Lloyd sighed as she picked him up. Oh, shouldn’t it be her? But, then… what if Lloyd didn’t want to be a her? Should it be him? She wasn’t prepared for this! “Are you okay? Your palms are really sweaty.”

“YES!” She shouted. Stop. Being. So. Awkward. “Yes. I just …” she sighed, allowing her heart to stop racing. “Have been working on my hand.” It was a flimsy excuse. No one with half a brain would believe her.

“Oh, that makes sense,” Lloyd conceded with a bright smile. She looked much cuter now, like a tomboy. Uhh, he! HE! Sheena cursed herself mentally. This was getting weird. She meant cuter like in a girl-way, you know? Why was she arguing with herself?

The ninja sighed, defeated. “So, how are you?” She asked, dumbly. Of course he’s not feeling well, he’s a she!

Lloyd looked away for a moment, scratching the back of his head, noticing there was a bit more of this fluffy hair than he was used to. “I’m, uh, okay I guess,” he said. “I have to admit, it’s weird.”

_Boy, is it,_ Sheena agreed.

Lloyd continued to stare at one of the mushrooms. He usually was so much more confident. Sheena’s eyes fell upon his chest. Lord, Zelos was right, she thought with incredible guilt. The one thing Sheena had going for her was her own chest, she thought. Now Lloyd even beat her in that.

“It’s like, I still feel like a guy, you know?” Lloyd continued, opening up to her. Sheena felt even more guilty for her own thoughts. “I feel mostly the same, but… I don’t?”

Sheena was not prepared for this talk and was not an expert at being a woman or a man. Still, this was the first time Lloyd had ever opened up to her. “Uh… well…” Sheena stumbled over what to say. “It’ll be okay? Being a woman isn’t, uh, so bad?”

Still, he stared at that mushroom. “I didn’t mean it like that! It’s, ya know, not bad to be a woman!” Aw, geez, she had accidently made him feel guilty. Her eyes fell on his chest again, noting the buttons at the top of his shirt appeared ready to burst.

“Sorry, no, that’s not what I meant!” Sheena apologized. “It’s okay if it feels weird. Being a woman is… well, it can be weird sometimes?” This was going to get awkward, wasn’t it? But, if Lloyd needed her, she couldn’t back down. She had to help him! After all he had done for her, she owed it to him. Plus, she had to admit, she really was happy to see him open up to her for once.

“Yeah, um…” Lloyd still couldn’t quite look at her. “I guess some things are kind of weird.” Was… was he blushing? His chest was rising and falling at an erotic pace. Erratic! She meant erratic! What the hell was wrong with her?!

She was no good at this. She never was any good at talking to Lloyd. Not like Colette was. “Well, you can, uh, talk to me about anything, if you want.” She sighed, feeling guilty. “Although, I’m sure Colette is still awake. I know that you two…”

Lloyd suddenly stared into her eyes, fierce, almost afraid. “I can’t talk to Colette about this,” he said. “It’s something… something I need to ask you.”

Her heart was pounding. When Lloyd looked at her like that, she felt strange. It always felt strange when Lloyd looked at her, but now that he was so soft and his hair was so long and beautiful, it was even stranger. She wasn’t attracted to girls. Was… she? Maybe… maybe it didn’t matter what gender.

Lloyd went back to looking at the mushrooms. “I, just, um…” The button on his chest couldn’t contain it any longer. It popped off in a sudden silent explosion, like a dam releasing its contents. Soon, a breast fell out, completely open to the elements. “I feel like this is something I can only talk to you about, Sheena.”

Did he not notice?! Sheena was sure she was as red as a tomato, and Lloyd hates tomatoes! But how could he not notice! Any girl would know! But… but this was Lloyd we she was talking about here. She’d seen him shirtless before when he was a guy, but now… it was different again. The nipple was so pink, so shy. The breast was perfect and … What was she doing!?

“Er, Lloyd,” Sheena tried to speak up, unable to stop staring.

“I know, this probably isn’t the best time,” Lloyd continued, completely unaware somehow. “But… I think it has to be now.”

“Lloyd…” Still, it stared at her, and she stared at it, fascinated and confused.

“It’s just, I know we’ve been through a lot together, and…”

“Lloyd, your boob is out!” She finally shouted, much too loudly. She couldn’t take it anymore! She wasn’t ready to face these feelings, not like this!

“Huh?” He tilted his head, finally looking back at himself. “Oh, geez, right!” He quickly tried to stuff it back into his shirt, but the button was missing. It just plopped back out. “Aw, aw man.” He moved to just hold it in with his hand now, his soft face as red as his shirt.

Sheena was also red. Adrenaline pumping through her. “I’ll um… let me lend you one of my bras, Lloyd,” she said.

“Is that okay?” Lloyd said with an embarrassed sigh.

“Of course, it’s okay.” Sheena could feel her confidence building. She needed to be strong for Lloyd now. This wasn’t the time to be a bumbling ninja. Whatever he needed, she’d be there for him.

He couldn’t even look at her. “I, uh, don’t know how to put one on.”

She smiled this time and put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. “It’s all right, Lloyd. I can help.” He was so soft now. Even his clothes felt pleasant to the touch. She never got this close to him before. Maybe she wished she did, before. But this will do. She liked Lloyd for Lloyd. Not his body.

“Thank you, Sheena,” he said sincerely, returning her gaze. That honest look of his sent a tingle down her spine. Still, he was red, and appeared nervous. “I still… I need to ask you something.”

It was a strange feeling. So strange. Still, she accepted it. “I think I know what it is, Lloyd, and it’s okay.”

Lloyd’s face brightened, he seemed less nervous. “It is?”

“Yes. And…” She paused, but she knew this was the right time. “I think I feel the same way.”

Lloyd’s eyebrow raised and he tilted his head. “You… you do?”

Sheena nodded, still with her hand on his shoulder, ready to pull him into an embrace. “I do, Lloyd. I think.”

“Um…”

“It’s all right, you can ask me.”

Lloyd still turned bright red. His lips contorted into various forms, a frown, confusion, but still. They looked so soft. Every movement hypnotized her. “Okay. Okay. Promise you won’t be mad or weirded out?”

Her breath was slow and steady, her mind a flutter. “I promise.”

Lloyd looked into her eyes, soft and unsure, but still sparkling beautifully. Then, his lips finally asked the question.

“How do girls pee?”

* * *

Time waits for no one, man or woman.

And as time went on, it became more and more clear Lloyd’s body would be staying a woman’s. The fountain didn’t work anymore. It had been a few days. Many experiments, many strange mishaps, lots of learning for just about everyone involved.

Lloyd’s chest hurt. The bra he received from Sheena was too tight. At least his boobs didn’t fall out anymore, much to Zelos’ displeasure. Everyone looked at him differently. Well, except for Regal and Presea. Lloyd could have been turned into a goblin and they probably wouldn’t react any differently towards him.

On some level, that was comforting. On another, it was disconcerting. Maybe they didn’t care about him, or maybe things like gender were just super fish-all? He never understood what super fish had to do with unimportant things. Maybe it's because even super fish aren’t very strong?

“Lloyd, are you thinking about fish again?” Genis asked as they exited the cave.

“I’m hungry,” Lloyd admitted with a light whine. They hadn’t brought nearly enough supplies to the cavern, thinking it would be a short trip. Genis was one of the few that looked at him differently, but not so differently?

The others were a bit farther ahead. Colette with them. Lloyd stared at her golden hair, shimmering in the sun’s light, and sighed. He hadn’t talked to her since the incident. It felt too weird. He wanted to, but it didn’t seem right. Plus, she seemed to be avoiding him too. Maybe she didn’t like him anymore? Maybe it’s because he was a girl now? It wouldn’t be her fault.

“So…” Genis scratched the back of his head, looking up at Lloyd, past the, uh, breasts, which attempted to block his view. “How are…. things?”

Aw, geez.

Lloyd scratched at his nose, noticing it felt a bit smaller, more delicate. It probably wasn’t a very feminine action, but that didn’t matter, right? “It’s, um… it’s all right, I guess.”

Nothing weird about it! Just two guy friends talking about their feelings! Although one guy was mysteriously turned into a girl! Nothing weird! It was fine! IT WAS FINE.

“Well, you know…” Genis was never that great at being the supporting friend. That was okay. He was usually sarcastic, but he still showed his friendship in other ways. “I don’t think you changed that much.”

Lloyd frowned. “Are you kidding?” He asked, mushing his giant mounds together with a groan.

Genis didn’t react to that in the way he expected. It was nice, actually. Lloyd could practically feel Zelos sweating in the distance, however. Out of everyone, Zelos acted the weirdest about this whole thing. He was usually so suave, so whatever about it all, but around Lloyd, Zelos got really sweaty and stuttery.

“I don’t think those change you, Lloyd,” Genis replied.

“Gah, but they’re heavy and make it hard to run!”

Genis frowned, already turning his hand into a fist in anger. “That’s not what I meant!”

Lloyd laughed. It felt like it had been years since he made Genis angry over some mundane thing. It was like before, like nothing had changed. He liked that. Still, he looked away. “But… you don’t think it’s weird?”

Now it was finally Genis’ turn to look away as well. “It’s a little weird. Fascinating in some ways…”

“Not you too!” Lloyd interrupted, thinking of Raine’s starry eyes.

Genis held up a finger to silence his protests, proving he wasn’t his sister. “Just a little weird, Lloyd. I know, it shouldn’t be, but I guess it’s something to get used to.”

“So, you don’t find me attractive?” Lloyd asked quickly. He knew he was dumb, he knew he was dense, but he could see it in a lot of his friend’s eyes. Also, Zelos was kind of a big hint. If this really was the fountain the god’s used to change their form on a whim, it makes sense it’d make that form exceedingly attractive.

“God, no,” Genis answered way too quickly. “What, do you find me attractive, now?”

Lloyd made a face like he had tasted Raine’s cooking. “God, no!”

Genis laughed now too. Even as he was getting older, it was good to see he didn’t change much either. “See? It’s all just physical. It doesn’t really matter. I couldn’t be attracted to you if I tried. You’re still Lloyd in there, dumb, wreckless-”

“Hey!”

“Unable to pay attention, generally inattentive, did I mention dumb?”

“You did, jerk.”

The two laughed.

Genis continued. “My point is, you’re still you. Isn’t that something you’re always saying?”

Lloyd looked forward and stared at Colette again. “Yeah. I guess so.”

* * *

The group decided to spend their last day together in Flanoir before departing. It wasn’t far off, after all, and they all had fond memories of the snowy little town. Lloyd couldn’t help but dread the moment they would separate. He’d have to see Colette again, soon. Or, well, she’d have to see him. She probably wouldn’t want to travel with him anymore.

He didn’t want to think about that moment. He found himself in an old tavern with Zelos, the yellow glow of the lamps outside warming a cold, cold night. Normally, he’d hate spending time one-on-one with Zelos, but everyone else was sleeping. Everyone else but her. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was scared to know what she’d think, what she’d say. He didn’t know how to act like a lady or like a guy, or whatever he was now.

“Bud!” Zelos cried, staring too hard at Lloyd. “Or… or is it buddina now?” He seemed so generally confused and a little drunk. Lloyd pegged Zelos for a lot of things, but not much of a drinker. “Bud, you’re lookin… lookin’ fine tonight!”

Lloyd sighed and kept his elbows on the counter. Was this what it felt like to be hit on? “Uh, thanks, Zelos,” he replied half-heartedly.

“Bud, I don’t know if it’s the booze, or the repeated blows to the head, or what!” Zelos continued, still staring, but also trying not to? “But I’ve been feeling weird, ya know?”

“Boy, do I know that feeling,” Lloyd sighed.

Zelos laughed awkwardly and put his arm around Lloyd’s shoulder tentatively. It wasn’t like before. Zelos would always break his personal space, but this felt even worse. His hands were unsure, and not quite as grabby as usual. “Sorry, bud, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just, well....”

Bah, Zelos was a good friend, though. Lloyd shouldn’t have been rude to him. The swordswoman (?) turned to face the redhead now. Zelos’ face was as red as his hair, but that must have been the booze. “No, no, it’s all right! I know what you mean.”

“D-do you, bud?” Zelos stuttered, quickly sitting back in his chair. “Like… I mean, you know! Haha!”

Lloyd did not know. “Uhh?”

“Just… I like girls! You know?!” Zelos laughed again nervously.

“Trust me, I know,” Lloyd sighed.

Zelos tried to lean against the counter cooly, but ended up missing his arm and slamming his face against the wood. “Ahaha, well! I mean… You’re a girl, now, right?”

Lloyd looked down at his chest again, noticing that the breasts were indeed still there. Sheena had helped him buy a new bra that fit him a bit better, so they didn’t always quite seem so in the way as before. “Hmm… I don’t know.”

Zelos’ eyes widened in fear at that answer. Still, he stared, still he continued. “Wow, you know it’s… it’s like… W-who cares, right?” Somehow, Lloyd got the impression that Zelos was incredibly ashamed of himself.

“You’re right! I shouldn’t care!” Lloyd nodded. “I’m me! I haven’t changed!”

Zelos continued to stare. “That’s right! That’s so right!” He laughed uncontrollably to himself, almost a little creepily. “So, it’s… you know! It’s not …”

Lloyd tilted his head and tried to understand what the redhead was saying. “Not what?”

The stare only flustered him more. “It’s… it’s not gay, right?!”

“Huh.”

Zelos laughed that weird, almost crazy laugh. “It’s, you know, it’s not gay! To-to be attracted to you! I like girls, and… and you’re a girl!”

“I’m not sure if I feel like a girl, though?”

Zelos waved it off so uncooly, gulping down his drink. “T-that’s! Uh! That’s all right! I don’t… mind?? We could still…”

“Still go on adventures?” Lloyd tried to finish. “Of course! I want to fight bad guys with you, Zelos!”

His skin turned even whiter than usual. “No, bud, that’s…. That’s not it.” He could barely even stop his head from swaying.

“Be friends?” Lloyd continued. “I, mean, I certainly hope we can continue being friends.”

Zelos looked at Lloyd’s feminine shape, then at his delicate hands and grimaced. “The hell is wrong with me?” He muttered.

Lloyd certainly didn’t know the answer to that, and he probably didn’t want to know the answer either.

* * *

He was outside her door. He’d been standing there for some time. It was cold, it was late, and it was quiet. If his mind would stop racing, he could hear the very snowflakes hitting the ground outside.

_You’re still you. You’re still you._

He told himself that. He told everyone that! Gah, of course, it’s so easy to tell _other_ people that! It’s so easy when you don’t understand what they’re really going through! Like with Colette. He had never really understood. Her transformation was a far worse one, far harsher, yet there he was giving her that same stupid advice.

What a jerk he had been. Lloyd was still himself. Maybe. But it felt different. Aside from the body change, people did treat him differently. Not the way he was used to. His friends looked at him differently, although he knew they tried not to. They did the same with Colette. _He_ did the same with Colette. He went on and on about how she was the same, but she must not have felt the same. She must have felt so scared and alone.

And now here he was. Standing in front of her door at midnight, unable to work up the nerve to even knock. He remembered when she had been the one to knock on his door. Is this what she felt? He had always taken it for granted, never considered how nervous she must have been. How could Colette accept him now? Colette liked Lloyd, the young swordsman, reckless and dirty.

Not this sexy, big breasted… whatever he was now. As far as Lloyd could tell, Colette had shown no interest in women either, although that had never been an issue for him. During their travels, they spent plenty of nights alone together. Maybe there was something between them, something he didn’t need to say, but now he was unsure. If that was ever real, or maybe just a feeling he had, and she had not felt the same way.

This was stupid. He shouldn’t be bothering her. She didn’t want to see him. Not as a girl. And it was okay. He didn’t want to hurt her, like he must have before. Lloyd let out a heavy sigh and turned around. Maybe he could just sleep in Sheena’s room. He had nothing to hide from her anymore, apparently, so might as well.

“...Lloyd?” A quiet voice floated through the air and tickled his ear. It made him shiver. He was afraid to turn around. Maybe she wouldn’t recognize him and go back to her room. “Lloyd, is… is everything alright?”

Well, there was no getting outta this one. “Ah, uh, sorry! I, must have forgotten where I was staying and…” He turned around and finally saw her again.

After so many days apart, he had always sneaked glances her way, but never quite looked at her. She stood shyly at the door, her light nightgown practically floating on her body, like the snow just outside. It was less clothing than he usually had seen her in. Not that it was revealing!

“Oh, I’m sorry, I, um…” She paused and her eyes turned away, almost frightened. He remembered those eyes. “I should have known.”

His heart was thumping in his chest. He felt the sudden urge to embrace her, but fought against that, terrified of what she might say. Still, he couldn’t leave it at this. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t like him to think through things. _You’re still you!_

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He asked, dumbly. As if that had anything to do with anything. As if he wasn’t the one clearly having trouble sleeping as well.

Colette shook her head, practically falling over herself. She stole a quick glance into Lloyd’s eyes and looked away again. “No! Of course, not! I was sleeping just fine!”

Lloyd wasn’t sure if it was the nightgown or not, but Colette was as transparent as ever. “Liar,” he said with a smirk.

She sighed, but something about it felt like relief. “Sorry. Yes, I was having trouble sleeping.”

Lloyd’s smile was a bit strained. “It’s okay,” he admitted. “I was, too.”

She didn’t say anything back. She looked like she wanted to, but she couldn’t.

“Maybe, um…” Lloyd scratched the back of his head. Again, he could practically feel his heart pounding in his skull, now. He was terrified what she might say. “Maybe we could hang out for a bit? Since we’re not sleepy, and …whatever?”

That was terrible. No one would fall for that! No one!

“Yeah!” Colette said with a bright smile that lifted his heart. “Y-yeah, that sounds like a good idea! Come in! If, you want.”

“I do!” He replied with way too much enthusiasm. Quickly he rushed toward her, toward the door.

She moved slightly towards the end of the doorframe, holding it open, hoping to close it behind Lloyd, as that would be the polite thing to do. Of course, as he slipped by her, he felt his breasts brush against her accidently. He was not used to these stupid things yet, damn it!

Should he say something!? There’s no way she didn’t feel that!

Colette closed the door behind them, her face red from letting too much cold in clearly.

Inside her room, he found two beds. One already that had been clearly used by her, in a bit of a messy state. In fact, Lloyd could swear there was something else there, dainty and delicate. “Two beds?” He asked, sitting on the well made one.

Colette’s face managed to get even redder somehow. As if the sight of her messy bed was offensive or embarrassing. “U-um! Well, yes, you know… In case… someone wanted to stay with me?”

Lloyd sighed. Who was she waiting for, then? He wondered.

For whatever reason, Colette laughed nervously as she sat down on the bed opposite of Lloyd’s, straightening out the sheets unconsciously, worried at what might be hidden under the blankets, other than… sheets he guessed?

Lloyd’s heart was pounding in his chest again. He found it hard to speak. Usually it came so easily, but he kept overthinking things now, kept worrying. Not to mention Colette’s airy nightgown was so distracting. When she sat down he could almost see her under-wait.  
  
“Lloyd,” Colette finally said, looking at the blankets and fingering them absentmindedly. “I, um… I know it’s been a hard few days. I know tomorrow everyone’s going their separate ways again.”

Lloyd stared, trying to make sure what he was seeing was correct.  He was pretty sure. “Colette,” was all he managed to say.

She shivered at the sound. Her lips pressed into a sad frown that he was all too familiar with. Something he’d hoped not to see anymore. “It’s, um… it’s okay if you don’t want to travel together anymore.”

His mind raced. That’s not what he expected her to say! Also, Lloyd had some other pressing matters as well, but… this was not really the best time? “Colette, I don’t….” He fumbled over his words.

“I understand,” Colette said with a flinch. “What I did to you because of my clumsy mistakes, that wasn’t fair to you.”

“Huh?” Lloyd tilted his head. He could see it all the clearer now.

“With… the pool,” she whispered, ashamed.

“Colette, but um…”

“I was so stupid, so clumsy! I’m always so stupid and clumsy!”

Agh, this situation felt all too familiar. There was only one way to fix this! He took a deep breath and turned off his brain for at least a moment.

“Colette, you’re not wearing any underwear!”

The realization struck her like lightning. She was completely frozen in place. A small confused noise escaped her lips.

“Your underwear is in your bed where you were sleeping! You must have dropped them, somehow!”

She looked down as if that would answer any questions. Something struck her again, and she probably realized why she felt a bit colder than usual. “Oh, oh no! Lloyd, I’m so sorry!” She scrambled to her feet, covering herself more than necessary. As long as she stood, it was fine! It was … it was just when she sat across from him.

Lloyd couldn’t help but blush as well, but he tried to play it off like it didn’t matter. “It’s okay! It’s okay! This kind of thing apparently happens to girls all the time!” He nodded, thinking of his interaction with Sheena not long ago. Although, he was very unsure how one loses their underwear in the bed. Maybe she was just having a very uncomfortable sleep and kept tossing and turning?

Colette didn’t seem to feel better about that. She found her underwear, and Lloyd could swear he heard her curse or mutter something about herself. With the speed and grace of a bamboozled deer, she covered herself a bit more properly.

“It’s alright!” Lloyd said again with a sheepish smile. “Uh, heh, nothing I haven’t seen, now, eh?” He laughed nervously.

“Lloyd, I’m so sorry!” She wailed, on the verge of tears now.

“It’s okay! It’s okay! It didn’t bother me!”

“Not that! Well… that, too,” she sighed. “But … for changing you into a girl. It was my fault you fell in. I accidently pushed you. I’m so sorry.”

His mind finally processed the words. “Huh? That?” It had never even occurred to him! She felt guilty about pushing him in? “But… that wasn’t your fault.”

She nodded, almost stubbornly even. “Yes, it was! I should have been more careful! It’s my fault you were changed! What if something worse had happened, Lloyd? What if because of me you didn’t…” Her words dropped below a whisper. “Come back.”

No more listening to stupid thoughts anymore. Lloyd stood up and finally embraced her, like he had wanted to for so long. His chest made things difficult, they probably made things weird for her, but it didn’t matter! No more thinking! She flinched at the touch at first, but then her shuddering lessened. Her cool body was already warming against his, and she moved herself gently between the breasts, to become closer, become warmer.

They stayed like this for a time. Feeling each other’s chest rising and falling slowly and gently. She didn’t flinch at his new body, she embraced it all the same.

“Sorry, uh…” Lloyd started, finally. “Sorry if that was weird.”

“It’s not,” she said. “Why would it be?”

He looked away. “Because… I’m a girl. You know? That’s not… you wouldn’t like…”

“Lloyd,” Colette said calmly. “That doesn’t matter. You’re still you.”

For once, it made sense. Her voice was sweet and honest. He didn’t feel any different anymore. He had been saying it in his head all along, but it never quite clicked. Maybe Lloyd was different, maybe people would know he was different, but to Colette? Lloyd was still Lloyd, always.

A bolt of energy surged into his chest, and he felt that warm feeling even more. He didn’t want to let it go, he needed more of it. Without a thought, he kissed her, light lips against light lips. It felt strange, again, his body, but hers was perfect. With her, he felt the same, he felt like Lloyd. She didn’t flinch away, she didn’t cry out, she quickly kissed him back, holding him tighter.

“Sorry,” he said again after. Colette was the one to apologize usually.

She couldn’t help but smile. “It’s okay.”

* * *

They sat together on the bed now, the other one remaining completely unused, except for Lloyd’s hefty clothes and overalls. For his pajamas, he wore the usual, some boxers and a simple tank top that really had trouble keeping his form in. He hadn’t gotten the chance to get anything else, and if he was perfectly honest, he wasn’t sure what he would get.

“So, um…” Colette sat close to him, her hand on his. The excitement of the previous moment was too much, and the pair couldn’t sleep. They were always vaguely aware of each other’s feelings, but never quite acted upon them. “How does it feel? Now?...” She paused. “If it’s okay, if it’s something you want to talk about, I mean!”

Lloyd frowned for a moment. “The girl body, right?”

Colette also frowned. “Sorry, that was rude wasn’t it?”

Lloyd shook his head. “No, no, it’s all right. I guess I do wanna talk about it. I wasn’t sure at first, but it feels easier now.” He felt his skin pressed up against hers. It was so soft. Still, the usual toughness of battle, but so much softer. And Colette’s was even softer still. He felt a strange relaxed feeling wrapping around him.

Still, it was hard to speak up. Even now, he felt embarrassed. It was some pretty personal stuff, and he didn’t want to sound stupid or weird. Luckily, Colette seemed to understand him well enough. She knew just what to ask, and how to ask it.

“Does your chest bother you at all?” she asked, staring at them with a curious worry, and something else. Lloyd didn’t mind. In fact, he kind of enjoyed it.

Lloyd laughed, although it was clear even to him it was a bit nervous. He pressed his breasts as if to say it didn’t bother him, to prove it wasn’t weird! “Uh, well… I guess yes and no?” He started. “They’re pretty heavy, ya know?”

He looked over at Colette, and realized maybe she didn’t know, and felt guilty. She took no offense, and merely smiled anyway.

“But, well…” He looked away. “They’re kinda nice, I guess? Like, uh, I don’t want to be weird, but they’re nice to touch, I guess? And, well… they look good, too.” He paused. “That’s weird. I know that’s weird.”

Colette shook her head and laughed a light airy laugh that comforted Lloyd in ways he couldn’t understand. “No, that’s not weird! It’s not wrong to like, um… chests! And it’s not like you grew up with that body, so it’s only fair.”

Lloyd still felt a little weird, but not as much. “I don’t know how Sheena can be so acrobatic with these things!”

“Well, it takes practice, and…” she paused. “I think your chest is even bigger, so it’s bound to take some getting used to.”

Still, there was something on his mind, something bothering him.

“Do you like it?”

Colette froze again. “Um, what?”

Lloyd motioned towards his breasts lightly. “Is it… too much, you think?”

This wasn’t an easy question for her to answer, and Lloyd knew that very well. He understood why. Colette was never quite one to talk about these things.

“I… I like them,” Colette admitted finally.

Lloyd was fairly sure of her honesty, but still, he felt that nagging doubt bite into him. “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, right?”

Colette shuffled her hands together, fiddling with her fingers. “No! But… I think no matter what you look like, I’ll always like you.” Another pause. “And they look very soft and fun to, um, touch.”

“They are!” Lloyd admitted with a big dopey smile. “Did you wanna try?” His breath cut out a bit at the question. He was still afraid, but… it would feel good to know she really did accept him how he was now. To know it really was alright.

“Is that okay?” Colette asked, her breath also light and half missing.

“Yeah, I uh…” Lloyd sighed. “I want you to. If you want to.”

It took her a moment. She stared at Lloyd’s boobs like a dragon ready for battle. With a nod and a little noise, she gently took one of Lloyd’s breasts in her hands and felt the softness of it. She, of course, kept her hand outside of the shirt, but it still felt nice. Her fingers were so tender, so careful. It was a strange feeling he hadn’t got used to, but it sent sparks of pleasure running through his body, although more relaxing than anything.

“I, um…” Colette said through heavy breaths. “I like them a lot.”

Like the idiot he was, the only thing he could think to say back was, “Thanks.” Colette didn’t laugh at him Well, she laughed, but it was a gentle laughter, filled with a sweetness that cured him of any uncertainty. Nothing cruel. It was impossible for her to be cruel. That was part of the reason he loved her.

The feeling was strange and foreign, but warm and comfortable. If he was still a guy, he probably wouldn’t like this, but the way her small fingers pressed against his skin sent waves of relaxation through his body. She massaged sweetly, but never quite went farther than that, staying away from the nipples.

“It…feels nice,” Lloyd admitted, finally. It shouldn’t be embarrassing, not with Colette, but he supposed it would take some getting used to. Feeling comfortable with his body that is. Maybe Colette would need some time too, but he was glad they could both explore it together. It felt less daunting, less… scary? He didn’t know he was ever scared of it. But with her around, he knew it was okay.

Colette’s face remained flushed. “Just tell me if you want me to stop or if it’s too much, okay?”

He knew she would never go too far, never do anything he was uncomfortable with, but still, her kind words warmed him even more. “Okay.”

Her fingers worked delicately as she spoke. “Hm… would it be better without your shirt?”

Lloyd knew he must have been quite red at the moment. He had to admit, he wanted this, but still, it was a little frightening. Just trust Colette. “I, uh, yeah, if you think?” His muscles tensed, and he didn’t move to take anything off.

“Do you want me to do it?”

It was too hard to breath. Lloyd could barely manage a nod.

Her fingertips glided away from his chest and to the bottom of his shirt. Her skin was cool to the touch against his sides, and he shivered. Slowly and carefully she pulled the shirt over his head, Lloyd just barely able to raise his arms high enough for her to do so. His breasts toppled out into the open air, and weirdly he felt the urge to cover himself.

She must have sensed his worry. She pulled his arms away from himself ever so gently, leading them to his sides rather than forcing them. Next, she pursed her lips together and kissed his breast sweetly, her lips sending even stronger waves of warmth and relaxation through him. His muscles felt less stiff and he finally returned her gaze. Those great big blue eyes were full of love and understanding, and he found that she too was breathing rather heavily.

“Is it okay if I…” she took a deep breath, her face still as flushed as his. “Can I kiss them? Would you, um, like that?” She paused and laughed nervously. “I, I mean I guess I already did! Sorry.”

Lloyd’s heart wanted to burst. He loved her so much. He wished he could say it, but the words wouldn’t come out. “It’s okay,” he managed to say. “You can, uh, if you want.”

The most she could reply was a little noise, a sweet tiny hum. She pressed her lips lightly against his nipple, and at first it felt too much. A noise escaped his mouth now in an almost gasp, but soon it slowed. Colette continued to kiss the sensitive area, her lips just barely making contact. He felt every breath she took through her mouth, felt almost like his body could melt in with hers. Soon, his nipples were slick and hard from her kisses, and he couldn’t help but lay back against the bed in a strange daze. She followed gently, as always, continuing to kiss, her mouth becoming hungrier.

He felt her tongue lick, and again, the waves of pleasure rolled through him to the point where it seemed too much. He found his hands were stroking her soft hair, her sides, and generally any part of her body he could touch. He wanted to be closer to her, always closer.

Her fingers were not idle, either. When her lips left one breast, she used her hand to massage the other. Her saliva left his breasts chill and wet, all the more aching to be touched and held, all the more relaxing as she worked. Occasionally, a noise left his lips, embarrassing, but Colette seemed to power herself by those little moans and groans. He felt her breath increase, her heartbeat pound, whenever a small gasp like that escaped. She, too, seemed to make the noises as well, and Lloyd again, felt that warmth inside him, stronger than ever.

A few minutes passed, sweet relaxing moments that he never quite wanted to end. Still, he wanted to talk to her, tell her everything! Any worries he might have, anything. She was always willing to listen, always interested.

Finally, he said with a little laugh, “It’s too bad girls can’t-...” then realized what he was going to say with a shock.

Colette ceased her kisses, finally a time to catch her breath. She looked at him with her flushed face and tilted her head. “Can’t what?” She crawled lightly onto the side and laid by him, possibly to allow him to speak, or maybe just to regain her energy. Even still, she stroked his breasts lightly, continuing that relaxation.

It wasn’t a phrase he had probably ever said out loud, and probably something he never thought he’d say to Colette. But, she made him feel like it was all right, she made him feel safe, she helped him say it.

“Um… well… you know…” He breathed. “Finish?” He laughed a bit nervously.

Colette did that cute confused puppy look that she often did. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Ugh, she was adorable, but this wasn’t the time he wanted her to be cute! “I… well okay, I guess you wouldn’t know?...” he could feel his words just falling out of him lamely. “Like… touching… ah… yourself?” She stared at him wide-eyed. “And… you organism?”

Whatever pale look she held on her face had fallen apart at his final word. Colette couldn’t help but laugh, as if she had been holding her breath just moments before. Lloyd looked away, embarrassed.

“Sorry, I… I shouldn’t have said that, should I?”

Her laughter wasn’t cruel, though. Her laughter was beautiful, sweet, and light, and so honest. It made his heart hurt, his chest yearn, and somehow he found himself loving her even more. She kissed him quickly, her bright blue eyes nearly in tears. “No, I’m sorry!” She said, wiping them away, smiling so brightly. “I didn’t mean to laugh, but… I was so nervous.”

Lloyd didn’t understand.

Colette kept staring at him, her eyes so full of warmth and love. “I… know what you’re talking about,” she admitted finally with a tiny laugh. “I was, um, terrified to tell you! But…” she kissed him quickly on the lips again, her mouth still sweet and full of honey. “You made me laugh, Lloyd. And it made me feel so nice. I don’t feel as afraid to tell you.”

Lloyd was still so confused. But he didn’t feel as embarrassed anymore at least.

“It’s orgasm, Lloyd,” she said, her face a light shade of pink. “And… girls can have them.”

His eyes went wide with shock, as if he had stumbled upon some new ancient artifact to play with. “Really? Are you sure? ‘Cause, I tried!” He paused, realizing what he said too late, again. “Er, uh, well… I mean, I wanted to make sure everything worked well and uh…”

She could see he was feeling ashamed again. She didn’t want him to feel that. Not like she once did. Lloyd never let her feel ashamed. It was time for her to return the favor. “It’s okay, Lloyd, I um… I do it too, so I know it works.”

Lloyd was visibly shocked. “Really? You do it too?”

Her face turned to a big red strawberry. “W-well, why do you think I was missing my underwear before?”

Gears turned and turned in his head. “I thought you must have just been tossing and turning and…” Then it hit him. “Oh. Oh!”

“Sorry,” she said.

Now it was Lloyd’s turn again to comfort. He held her hand tight and, oh… oh that’s why it felt like… “No, don’t be sorry!” Lloyd said quickly. “It’s okay.”

“Sorry,” she said again with a small frown, unable to look him in the eye. “That’s… that’s a weird thing to tell someone who… probably didn’t need to know… and…”

He held her hand tight, his other hand stroking her golden hair gently. “No more apologizing,” he said at last in a hushed tone. “It’s, uh… It’s kind of hot?”

She buried her face into his chest, her light breath hitting his breasts like a cool wind. “Really?” She finally said. “It’s not weird?”

Lloyd continued to stroke his hands through her hair, noting their softness, feeling her breath start to slow and relax, his own soon matching hers. “No, it's not. And, um, that means…” Just say it, say the words! “You could teach me?”

He felt her gasp slightly, or at least hold her breath. She seemed to feel more comfortable hiding in his breasts, at least for now. “…Would you want me to?” Her breath came out lightly against his skin, almost hungrily. “...Right now?”

It made him want to shiver. Again, he felt those warm waves of relaxation roll over his body. “Yeah,” he breathed, realizing he too was having trouble. “If you want? If that’s okay?”

She could barely contain her breaths as well. “I want to,” she whispered.

Lloyd’s heart was pounding again, but he felt that urge and that warmth, and he wanted more. He wanted so much to be closer to Colette, to feel things like she did, for her to feel him and accept him and love him. “What should I do?”

Colette sat up, staring over Lloyd’s body, face as red as could be. “Um, well… you’ll have to… get rid of your boxers.”

“Right, sorry!” He huffed, of course he’d have to! He could be so dense. Before he knew it, he slipped out of his underwear and felt his full naked body open to the elements. Again, for some reason, he felt that urge to cover himself as he shivered from the cool draft.

Colette looked dizzy, but also serious. “Wow, um… did you… shave…?”

Lloyd didn’t understand, again. “Huh? No, should… I?”

Colette shook her head quickly with another nervous little laugh. “No, no! It’s just… It looks like it was. I guess that’s the fountain’s effects or… something. It… it looks nice.” She sighed, but not a sad sigh. A sigh of someone who wasn’t quite getting all the oxygen she needed. “Mm… I guess… maybe just sit up with me?”

Lloyd obeyed, feeling the soft silk sheets all too well. “Yeah, like this?”

Colette opened her legs up slightly and held her arms out as if anticipating embrace. “Um… hm… I guess lay your back against me?”

He turned and stared at the wall. He leaned back and felt her soft body envelop him, her chest rising and falling, the warmth between her legs. She held him tight, placing her chin delicately on his shoulder. “Like this?” He asked breathlessly, feeling her hands on his naked body, almost as if they were his own from his perspective.

“Yeah,” she whispered to him, face hidden away. Both were now free to express any feeling, any worry, any desire they wanted. Her hands wandered delicately across his body, feeling his breasts again. Her fingertips trailed down his belly and down to his thighs. He felt her legs tighten their grip around him. “I, um… I’m gonna touch it now, okay?”

Lloyd felt himself almost drifting away in her arms, her touches sending light electric pulses through his body. “Okay,” he breathed, feeling her fingers exploring at his inner thighs.

Her fingers ever so lightly touched the outside of his lips. They were cool and soft, and sent those warm waves of relaxation through his body, but even stronger now. “First, well…” she whispered. Her fingers touched the top slightly, rubbing in a very slow circle. “Um… you probably, um… want to get… wet.” She struggled with the word. “But… it feels like you already are.”

Lloyd’s face heated up as he realized. “Oh, uh…” Her fingers were already slick with his pleasure.

“No, no,” she assured him, kissing his neck. “It’s good. It’s nice. I, um…” she pressed herself slightly harder against his backside, and he could feel that warmth from her as well. “I am, too.”

Her movements were so slow, so gentle, he never felt invaded, never embarrassed. It was such a strange sensation, this pleasure. Similar to when he had the boy parts, but… different. It felt much more inside, now? Like… his whole body felt it, almost. It was like a blanket had wrapped itself around his body, electrifying his nerves, and he just wanted to press it harder against himself, feel everything her body had to offer.

“Is this okay?” Colette asked, her breathing slightly more at ease finally, her finger working in a very slow repetitive circle.

“Yeah,” Lloyd breathed out, his voice heavy. “It’s really nice.”

Her finger moved a bit quicker now, and Lloyd noticed it hit something inside him that sent even more waves of pleasure and warmth through his body. He wasn’t sure what it was, he had never felt that before. “While you’re, um… doing it,” Colette continued, her breath also heavy. “Sometimes it helps to… touch here, too.”

Her other hand gently began to caress Lloyd’s breasts again, pressing against his nipples gently. Again, he felt those waves of pleasure, but this time it forced a noise to escape his mouth. He felt embarrassed, but soon Colette mimicked that noise, a small moan of pleasure also escaping her lips, her hot breath against his neck. He didn’t feel so worried anymore.

His body grew warmer and warmer, his skin tingling, and he felt her finger become even slicker, sliding in and out between his legs even easier. Soon the moans became slightly more common, but he couldn’t help himself. When he moaned, he felt Colette also, as she hungrily took his pleasure, her body heating up.

It was such a strange experience. Like a comforting bath as she continued her movements across his body. He felt her heart beat, he felt her body as if it were his own almost, and he still wanted to be closer. Soon, he could wait no more, and he turned to kiss her finally, his body almost lost to this strange pleasurable passion.

Her breath was hot against his, her lips and tongue lost with his, and he felt that pleasure and that warmth beginning to bubble up through his body. Every part of him felt so relaxed. He was lost to her, in love with her deeper than he ever knew.

Soon, he felt something wound inside him, more and more, deep where her finger worked. His body felt no longer under his control and that pleasure and warmth exploded inside him, all while Colette held him tight, her tongue demanding his pleasure, his every breath. Soon his hips moved with her hand, and his body exploded in pure bliss, a deep moan of satisfaction escaping from himself and into her.

She slowed her finger now as his body began to settle, and he remembered he had to breathe air other than from Colette’s mouth. With a little gasp, he realized what had happened and checked in a panic. “Oh, oh no, did I?...”

“It’s okay,” Colette whispered.

To his surprise, there wasn’t any mess. “Wow, uh…” Lloyd checked the sheets and Colette’s finger, and found only that light wetness still. “Wow. So…” He laughed a bit nervously. “No mess, huh?”

Colette giggled against his neck, her hands still idly rubbing his body. “Some girls do, I think, but I guess you don’t.”

“Nice,” Lloyd nodded, impressed with this girl body. There were some benefits to this he never quite thought of. He leaned back against her, his body still shivering nicely. She continued to lightly touch over him, sending those tiny ripples of relaxation through him.

He didn’t feel ashamed anymore. He didn’t feel strange anymore. His new body was out for her to see, and it was all right. She liked it, he knew. There was a truthfulness to her touch and her gaze. “Thank you, Colette.”

She smiled back. “It’s okay. You, um…” Her words were difficult to form. He could sense what she wanted to say. _You did the same for me. You made me feel comfortable in my body._

He realized then that he had been too selfish. All this time, she was still in her nightgown, still hiding her body away. She must have been worried, still somehow. She deserved to feel what he felt, she deserved to feel comfortable, too. Maybe he couldn’t take away all her shame, but he’d try.

Lloyd looked up to her. “Colette? But… what about you?” Even after her fingers were just inside him, he still somehow felt shy talking about this stuff.

The Chosen understood all too well what he meant. Her face heated up as expected, and in a nervous breath she said, “Hm? I’m fine! I’m, um, happy just making you feel good!” Just as he expected.

Maybe being direct would be too difficult. He wasn’t sure he could do it himself, anyway. For once, he came up with a tactical plan of action and actually thought about his words. At least a little. “Well, but, I never, you know…. Actually did it myself. So, like,” he scratched the back of his head, knowing full well he was not believable. “I should probably try it out, too? You know, to make sure I do it right?”

Colette’s face was as red as a tomato, but he loved the sight still. “Oh! Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess you should, right?” Lloyd could tell she didn’t believe him, but this made it easier. “So, I guess I could … I could watch and make sure!” She laughed breathlessly.

Lloyd shook his head. “Nah, it’s okay, I think I’m good for now.” He gulped, but still, he kept his confidence. He wanted to do this for her. For himself too, he admitted! But, also for her. “Maybe I should practice on you?” That confidence melted away almost instantly the moment his words left his lips. “If, you want to?”

Her body stiffened, and Lloyd regretted everything. Maybe he went too far. Maybe he was being selfish. “Sorry,” he quickly added. “That was too much, huh?”

It was her turn to shake her head now. “No, it’s…” she shivered slightly. “It’s all right. I think… I think that would be, um…” she struggled for a while, her chest heaving with embarrassment. Finally, she said it. “Nice. It would be nice.” She looked away, though. “You want to?”

Lloyd could see that same self-doubt Colette always held. That same self-doubt since before the journey, that terrible self-doubt as she transformed. “I want to, Colette,” he said clearly. The self-doubt and that lack of confidence would never quite vanish, he knew, but he’d do everything he could to make it go away.

“But, I, I’m not really…” she sighed. “I’m not as attractive as you and my body is…”

Lloyd sat up and pulled her close. He felt her heart beating rapidly in her chest. “Don’t be such a dork.” He held her tight, again never wanting to leave that warmth of her body. She soon hugged back as well. “You’re also, um…” This would sound weird he knew. “You’re beautiful, you know?” But what other way was there to say it? “Not that it matters, anyway. I love you for you, not for your looks.” Ah, well. That sorta just slipped out didn’t it?

She replied so much faster than he would have ever imagined. “I love you too, Lloyd.” It was so strange. All their time traveling, and they had always known it, but it was too scary to say, too hard. But now, suddenly, it seemed to just come out. “Thank you.”

It didn’t feel quite so groundbreaking either, finally saying it. The two had loved each other for a long time. It felt so normal, like, it was just the natural way of things to go? Still, his heart pounded with hers and he was so happy.

Time passed quickly between them, yet still the dark night of Flanoir hid outside their window. “So, uh, should we…” He looked at her nightgown. “Or, well, should I?”

Colette nodded. Her face still as red as his clothes, she scooched off the bed. “Um, I’ll… I’ll do it.” She was determined. She wanted to prove something to herself. Yet, she just stood there, staring, seriously. “Just to be sure! You think I should, uh, take this off, right?” She looked at her nightgown almost angrily.

Lloyd couldn’t help but laugh slightly. “Yeah. Well,” he paused. “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to! Uh, we could still do it with it on, just…” Bah, he couldn’t help but revert to that old song and dance. _Of course_ she wanted to! Stop asking!

The Chosen seemed to be feeling that as well. “I do want to!” She mumbled. Again, she mumbled something under her breath as she placed her fingers on the tiny straps at her shoulders. “I’ll just.. I’ll do it!”

With the simple movement of her fingers, the straps slid off her shoulders, and the nightgown came tumbling down like a ton of bricks. Somehow the tiny thing seemed like a huge weight, leaving her now bare to Lloyd, in nothing but her underwear. Her hands seemed confused, trying to cover her chest at times, but fighting to stay at her side.

Lloyd couldn’t help but stare. Her chest was nothing like his, in fact, it was almost exactly what he had always expected, but still it fascinated him, entranced him. Her breasts seemed so cute, so shy, and he just wanted to comfort them and shower them with kisses on their sweet pink nipples. Wow, he did not expect that reaction from himself.

Next was the underwear. Maybe this wasn’t so hard now, since Lloyd had kinda already seen it. With a quick motion, she slipped out of them, her pale body now completely visible to see, accompanied by her long gold hair, a beautiful sight.

Still, it was a little strange. Her body was like a glass doll’s in a way. She seemed so brittle, so tiny without her clothes, like the slightest breeze could blow her down and break her into pieces. But he knew that wasn’t true. She was probably the strongest person he had ever seen, in so many ways.

Colette shivered, awkwardly placing her hand between her chest, slightly holding herself for warmth, but at the same time trying not to hide her body. This simply enunciated her breasts more, and Lloyd couldn’t help but stare. One problem with this girl body, however: It wasn’t quite as obvious when he was attracted. If he was a guy, still, his body would tell all, but as it was now, Colette still shook nervously.

Lloyd cleared his throat. “You’re, uh…” Still, it felt so weird coming out of his mouth, but she needed to know. He needed her to know. “Really cute. And, um, hot.” He laughed nervously. It did not come easy.

She finally smiled, but continued to shiver. “Thanks. I, um….” She laughed as well, and he noticed how gracefully her golden hair danced over her bare body. “I’m freezing, actually.”

“You dork, come back over here then!” Lloyd laughed. While the air was chill, he at least had the blanket beneath him to keep him warm.

“Right!” Colette nodded, slowly crawling back onto the bed.

Lloyd pulled her closer, pressing her chilled skin against his warmer body. She was so soft. He had never realized the difference clothes would make when touching. He could feel every part of her now against himself, feel her cool body slowly begin to warm up. It was addicting. He couldn’t help but hold her tight and rub that cold self-doubt away from her.

She seemed more content now, able to hide herself away in Lloyd’s body. Her breasts pressed against his and it sent such a shiver of pleasure between them that they couldn’t help but hold each other closer. Again, it was as if they were exploring anew, their breathing rising and falling at a rapid pace, but this time it was Lloyd’s turn to feel confident, to instill that feeling to her.

The two quickly slid under the covers now, the brisk air biting into their bare skin a bit too much. That didn’t halt their touches, though. “So, uh, I should…” Lloyd started as his hand moved between her thigh, feeling the warmth near. “Just, like… go at it?”

Colette nodded breathlessly.

With what felt like a gasp, he moved a finger inside. It was so warm, so wet. He fought the urge to press more himself into her, infatuated by her body. Sadly, his finger felt lost. It was nice for him, but he wasn’t quite sure where he was going, or how Colette had done what she did to him just recently. “Is… um… is it like this?” He attempted to rub inside in circles like she did.

It seemed the Chosen was unable to speak at the moment. Without a word, she gently moved Lloyd’s hand and finger ever so slightly up, where he felt a small bump. To his surprise, she didn’t stay silent out of embarrassment, but maybe pure pleasure? Her eyes stared into his sweetly, but that self-doubt had vanished. Lloyd began to move against that spot, and a light noise escaped her lips.

Lloyd could barely breathe either. She was finally enjoying herself so much, her body rocking softly to his movements, very softly. A hand of hers absentmindedly grabbed her own breast, pressing against it and the nipple. He had never seen her like this, but he wanted more. Her movements were hypnotic, her breath irresistible. He increased his speed, unable to help himself.

Again, a tiny moan left her, and Lloyd pressed his lips over hers. He wanted to feel that pleasure she felt, feel everything about her. She moaned again at the kiss, her body more and more losing to the rhythm of his motions. There was no more nervousness, no more hiding.

Soon, he felt her finger as well too now slip inside, rubbing another spot close by. She wasn’t scared anymore, she wanted him to see her body and her pleasure. Her finger moved next to his with so much certainty and confidence, Lloyd could scarcely believe. Still, he loved it all the same, reveling in the moments their fingers might hit together as they worked, her body becoming warmer and warmer.

Her body rocked even more now, her hands both busy pleasuring herself, sometimes her breast, and sometimes grabbing Lloyd’s in the heat of passion. It seemed she no longer cared about appearances anymore, merely wanted what felt best. She rubbed his back in motion with his fingers, hands groping at whatever skin they could find. Her mouth continued to release such sweet breaths, those intoxicating moans. He moved faster inside her, needing more.

“Not too fast,” Colette said through labored breath, still moaning and rocking.

“Sorry,” Lloyd whispered, regulating his movements back a bit.

“It’s okay,” she assured him, closing her eyes as the pleasure continued to wash over her. She was so beautiful, so stunning. Lloyd felt his shame quickly melt away as he witnessed her enjoyment.

It wasn’t long before he felt her body near her peak, muscles twitching around his fingertips. “I, uh, um…” Colette whimpered through pleasured breathes, unable to figure out her own words. Her own fingers worked harder and she gasped, her chest lurching forward. Lloyd could not resist her, licking up her precious moans from her lips as she reached her climax. He held her tight, relishing every moment of her coming, kissing her hard, hoping to make her feel better than she’d ever felt.

Her breathing slowed, and her tingling and labored breathing slowed to a more comfortable relaxed pace. Still, he moved slightly inside her, watching with bliss how it sent jolts of pleasure through her body after.

“Ah, um,” Colette mumbled. “Maybe, you can, um, stop.”

He realized he had gotten a little over eager and quickly left. “Oh! Uh, sorry! I wasn’t sure. And I just… really liked seeing you, um.”

She shook her head, her golden strands of hair looking a bit like a mess under the blankets, but still showed that same smile, so vibrant and honest. “No, no! It’s okay. I- I really liked it.”

Lloyd beamed and kissed her again. “Yeah?”

Her body seemed to glow under the blankets, so warm and relaxed, and her laughter so light and airy. “Yeah, I, um… I don’t think I’ve ever felt that good before.”

He held her close, proud of himself, proud of her. “Really?”

Colette snuggled between his breasts, soft hair pressing against him. “Mmhmm,” she said without missing a beat, no longer embarrassed by her body. At least for now.

Lloyd couldn’t help but laugh, he felt so good. “And just how many times have you done it to know?”

She traced a heart with the tip of her finger into his hand, and he recognized it instantly, all too easily remembering when that was all the communication they had. “A lot,” she admitted with a little giggle.

Lloyd kissed her hair and stroked it slowly, feeling her breath against his chest slow with a sigh. “Hot,” he admitted as well, laughing, too.

“What about you? How many times?” She asked, hopeful.

Ah, it should have been so embarrassing! But… but it wasn’t. “Not as much as you’d think,” he said. “Not many places you can really get away with that? As a girl now, we can just slip into bed and, you know. As a guy, that didn’t work so well.”

He felt her frown. “But you still did it?”

“I did, I did,” Lloyd admitted with a laugh. “It never felt as good as it did with you, though.”

Colette simply hummed something to herself and let out a contented sigh, burying herself deeper into his embrace. For a while, they simply held each other, accompanied only by the other’s breathing. Lloyd could feel his eyelids drooping and his muscles relaxing over Colette.

“Lloyd?” Colette whispered, her voice also heavy with sleep.

“Yeah?”

“Um…” Colette traced lazily an unknowable squiggle into his skin, her fingertip relaxing him. “Sorry if it’s weird or wrong, but um… should I call you a girl or a boy?... or maybe something different.”

Lloyd let out a yawn. In truth, the question made him a little nervous, but with her hands deftly tracing squiggles and her warm body against his, it didn’t seem so bad. “I’m not sure. It’d be easier for everyone if I just went with girl now, wouldn’t it?”

Colette frowned again. “But that’s not how it should be. It should be how you want. We could even ask the professor to look for a different fountain maybe…”

Lloyd stroked her back softly. “It’s okay. She already promised she would. I don’t have high hopes for it, and…” He paused, letting the words fall out of him. “I don’t know if I mind?”

She tilted her head. “Mm?”

Lloyd felt the drawings on his skin continue to lull him to sleep, continue to make him feel comfortable. “Maybe I’d feel better as a guy, still,” he admitted. “But being a girl is good, too. I think… maybe I could like it.”

Colette kissed him sweetly. “Whatever feels right to you, Lloyd.”

Again, his mind was swirling with thoughts and sleep and angels. “I think I’ll try being a girl for now, maybe? See if it’s all right? Or is that weird?”

She continued to stroke him gently, drawing dreams into him. “It’s not weird. If that’s what you want, that’s what I want, too.”

“Yeah,” Lloyd said, her voice groggy. “Yeah, I think so.” She yawned again, pressing just slightly harder against Colette. “Thank you, Colette,” she whispered, drifting away into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> It hasn't even been half a year since I posted this, but I have some notes I want to add. I don't think really anyone is going to see this, but I'd like to say it for myself at least. This isn't a response to anyone or anything recently, just a response to my own feelings I've been having lately.
> 
> I think maybe it feels a little wrong to have Lloyd try to accept that he's a girl just because it's easiest. When I started this, I went into it not really knowing how I felt, not really knowing much at all. I think I know a little bit more now. I ended up putting a lot of my own identity issues onto Lloyd here, and while I don't think they were done in the most healthy manner, I don't regret it. It's still very much how I felt and I think a very honest interpretation of my own struggles.
> 
> I don't have plans to do a chapter 2, but it would be interesting to see how I could do it now. If Lloyd would accept himself or herself, or if maybe just decide no, I don't actually feel comfortable as a woman either. It's a tough subject and not something I'm equipped enough to handle yet.
> 
> Why add this note to the end 5 months later? I don't know. It's a confusing issue, and it is something I don't know well, but I don't want people to read this and think the take away is just "Hey, do whatever is easiest." I don't think that's right. I think it's fair to feel that way though, sometimes. I don't think that is wrong. But you should do what you want. If it truly is "it's just easier to accept this" then that's not wrong either, I don't think. Again, I'm not sure. It's a tough subject to tackle, and I more than anything can't say I understand it. Even if I wish I did. All I wanted to do was put my thoughts and feelings and struggles down. I can only know myself, and only speak for myself. People change, and the way they think can change. But you can change from that and go back to your old self as well. Regardless, you'll always be whoever you are. 
> 
> Hope that makes sense to anyone out there. Don't let some dopey idiot like me dictate how you should feel about yourself. That's all I wanted to say.


End file.
